I was reading about the little things we can do to save energy and reduce our carbon footprint. As things are today there is a strong correlation between producing energy and releasing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing climate change.

 

One of the suggestions I've read is to change the background of PowerPoint slides and websites to black so monitors consume less energy. I think that is an admirable idea, and just like turtleneck shirts on the beach it would look cool and hip.

 

Another source of emissions are farts. I know it sounds less hip and less cool to talk about farts than black webpages, but studies indicate the impact of not farting is way greater. And since we're all moving into cubicles, more courteous.

 

I need to eat a lot of fiber because of my diet and my blog just reached its 6400th visit (6350 from web crawlers - thank you Baidu!) so I don't think I can offset myself. So I decided to offset someone else's farts. There is no online adoption, no "offset a fart" organization so I decided to change all screen backgrounds, slide decks and this blog background to dark colors to offset a Nepal Sherpa guide on my own.

 

I mean, let's be serious. I can probably hold back during office hours and hope the thing sublimates. I risk exploding and killing my co-workers by end of day, but Sherpa guides are under a lot of tension. How can I expect them to drag a group of tourists up Mount Everest through all the crap accumulated over the years and not to fart?

 

So there you go - change your blogs and web pages to dark colors, be cool and hip and let a Sherpa fart freely. I'm so proud to make the world a better place for all of us - at least until 6pm.

I just came back from California and it is nice to be back in a place with four well defined seasons: Depression, Alergy, Road Construction Horror, and Fall.

 

The last couple of weeks have been wildly interesting, unfortunately there is nothing I can write about in an open forum. I'm not sure what to make out of this. Maybe I should go dig my old joke repository and dig something up to keep my (2) readers entertained.

 

I just found that if you query "stereotype statistics" on Google, my post is #5 so someone is linking to it. I'm also #5 if you query for "Gabeira crochet trunks", but I'm not as proud about that one. I'd install Google analytics to check it out, but Spaces is - not surprisingly - not compatible with analytics.

 

Funny enough, Live search does not index a single page from my blog. Actually you cannot find my blog or profile searching for it on the Spaces front page. I need a hug :)

 

TENDJEWBERRYMUD

You will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. My English was not much better 15 years ago, so I empathize.

 

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

 

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service!"

RS: "Rye! Ruin sorbees! Morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?"

G: "Uh...yes...I'd like some bacon and eggs please!"

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What?"

RS: "Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baychem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An san tos?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "San tos. July san tos?"

G: "I don't think so!"

RS: "No? Judo one toes?"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes'
means."

RS: "Toes! Toes! Weigh jew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"

G: "Oh! English muffin! I've got it! You were saying toast! Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No thank you...just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter! Just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy? Tea? Mill? Jews?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy! Rye?"

G: "Whatever you say!"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud."

G : "You're welcome!"

 

Sammamish was recently ranked the 11th best city to live in the United States by CNN. I lived on a lot of places and Sammamish is pretty good if you like suburbs, but 11th? Really?

 

This article tells me more about CNN than it does about Sammamish. A couple of months ago during the Superbowl I was asked what was the name of the band performing. "Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers" I said. "Didn't they have someone more famous?", was the follow up question. Righto.

 

I was trying to list all places I lived and I couldn't put them in order - I lost my patience after enumerating 15 cities. My dad loves road trips, and so do I. Except for a couple hundred miles I visited every beach between Uruguay and the Guyanas (4,700 miles if you're wondering). Then a bunch of the Caribbean ones. Then I visited most major cities in the West Coast of the US and plenty of small ones too.

 

Sammamish is great. But that article was written by anyone different than a bored journalist with access to lots of statistics I'll be very surprised.